September 26, 2009
My mom told me today about some of the things my dad has done to her?
William asked:
When I got home from the music shop today, my mom told me that she wanted to have a talk. I sat on the couch, and she sat across the room from me and started sobbing. She started talking about how she wanted to help my sister and I out with getting a car, but she couldn't. She explained to my why she couldn't, I don't fully understand it… but she has 2 million dollars in debt because of my dad and HIS business. ( my dad buys homes and rents them out. he has about 10 homes right now, which explains why she has debt. ) My mom shouldn't have any of this debt on her, mainly because it was my dad's business. you know. anyway, before the court hearing, my dad told my mom that if she tried to get any financial relief that he would convince them that she is mentally unstable and that she would not have any contact with her kids. Because of the 2 million dollars of debt, she can't help us… which is irrelevant to me, because I don't really want her to help me financially. Anyway, that's one of the things she told me. Next, this one really makes me mad, like I feel like I could kick my dad's *** over this. We were getting ready to move, and we had this dog that we've had in the family for easily eight years. He told my mom that we could only move if we got rid of the dog. My mom agreed, even though her, being the immigrant from England with no one here for her, and the dog being her only friend. My dad didn't take the dog to the pound… he got the dog euthanized. He killed the family dog of eight years. Then told us that the dog was sick…. He also took another one of our pets to the pound. Even though the cat had no problem with living with us, we loved them to death… he got rid of her. This is only part of the story. He's also always called my mom mentally incompetent, and has always been oppressing her.
When I got home from the music shop today, my mom told me that she wanted to have a talk. I sat on the couch, and she sat across the room from me and started sobbing. She started talking about how she wanted to help my sister and I out with getting a car, but she couldn't. She explained to my why she couldn't, I don't fully understand it… but she has 2 million dollars in debt because of my dad and HIS business. ( my dad buys homes and rents them out. he has about 10 homes right now, which explains why she has debt. ) My mom shouldn't have any of this debt on her, mainly because it was my dad's business. you know. anyway, before the court hearing, my dad told my mom that if she tried to get any financial relief that he would convince them that she is mentally unstable and that she would not have any contact with her kids. Because of the 2 million dollars of debt, she can't help us… which is irrelevant to me, because I don't really want her to help me financially. Anyway, that's one of the things she told me. Next, this one really makes me mad, like I feel like I could kick my dad's *** over this. We were getting ready to move, and we had this dog that we've had in the family for easily eight years. He told my mom that we could only move if we got rid of the dog. My mom agreed, even though her, being the immigrant from England with no one here for her, and the dog being her only friend. My dad didn't take the dog to the pound… he got the dog euthanized. He killed the family dog of eight years. Then told us that the dog was sick…. He also took another one of our pets to the pound. Even though the cat had no problem with living with us, we loved them to death… he got rid of her. This is only part of the story. He's also always called my mom mentally incompetent, and has always been oppressing her.
I feel like I should help my mom and get this financial trouble off of her, but at the same time, I would be fighting my dad. I have no idea what to think or what I should do… what's everyone's advice?
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Comments on My mom told me today about some of the things my dad has done to her?
Mental abuse is still abuse, he is abusing her, you need to help your mom in getting him to stop, He is controlling her with threats about her mental state, she can have a private exam done on her mental state and prove she is stable, as for the financial stuff, if her name is not on any business papers of his business, she is not liable for any of his debt, it is as simple as that. The fact that he took away the pets, shows his lack of care and concern for anybody in your family, a man with no compassion for animals usually don't have much for loved ones either, as he is proving with the way he treats your mom, you mom has lived here long enough that she can be a citizen if she so wishes, England has laws against this type of abuse, same as our country does, help her find help with the local woman's help group in your area, her journey away from abuse starts with that first step, but she has to take it on her own.
I am sorry, but truly, I do not know of what anyone could suggest to truly help with this issue. There are obviously things between your mother and father that you are not aware of. The debt issue is probably a combined debt between your mom and dad, so probably not just her debt. Again lots of questions and not sure. The animals being put down is pretty low, but ask him why? Get his side of the story and discuss it. If you are not happy, bring it up. Not sure what else to say about it. Perhaps family counseling.
Dear Friend: Sad as it sounds, you always need to know the two sides of the story, and the only one to do this is a Judge. I am not saying your mom is not telling you the truth or you Dad is, but there is no way to know this. Trust me, you will be amazed how people (anyone) can manipulate the truth to their benefits. You mom might be weak by permiting the lack of respect, but at least I can say she is trying with you guys, she is a mom after all.
Legal processes are hard but not impossible. You mom has no debt of two millions, that is totally unreal, the bussinesses are under his or both names, the legal process takes care of these debts by selling properties, tell them NOT to cry, this is part of your parents bad decisions, not your problem kiddo.
I would really advise you and recommend to stay out of these issues, your priority is your study and let the adults makes decisions, you are not the problems solver and certainly not a professional to burden with their problems.
I know you worry, but that is all you can do, so don't. Learn from the stupidity of people's choices and learn to make better and smarter decisionsin your future.
Your school, your career preparations are your best weapon to protect you. I know it's hard about what happenned to the pets, but again, people will pay for their actions one day, again, watch and learn. I understand totally your situation, because my parents also had a bad separation, fight, calling names and divorce….and trust me, not to listen to any of their complains and acting with "the victim syndrome" "the I am the abused" "I am the good parent" from them was my best thing to do.
They need to take care of bussiness in front of a Judge, not you.
The best to you, kiddo.